Strike up the band; Come blow your horn!

Maggie’s back! Back online, I don’t know if she got her old brothel manager’s “job” back. Well, she doesn’t care about that; she only wants to play ragtime and jazz piano in a brothel. Online if necessary, or in New Orleans or Berlin or if possible.

Ain’t that sweet?

I have been talking to her about visiting after I graduate, if I graduate. “Oh, of course I’ll graduate,” I say to myself. “Not if you don’t get off the damn chat rooms and start getting busy in a different way,” myself says to me.

“Nag, nag, nag,” I reply. Boy I can really be a bitch.

I really do wanna visit her and D (tingle, tingle) and the boys, even for a weekend. I’ll be good I swear I won’t even beg her for sex or give D those long, smoldering looks I usually give him. I promise. What are you looking at? What?

-She’s smart. -yeah, she’s smart. -Too smart. -Yeah, let’s ice her.

Maggie’s been kicked out of the game, by Bobbi the HR Manager (!), and kicked off of chat by D, her husband. Please see my letter to Bobbi regarding that shit.

Well, whatever.

Later Maggie showed T that Ann didn’t trust him, by revealing a private exchange between Ann and herself. T shared that exchange with Ann. Ann got upset, naturally. T used that to get Maggie fired as manager.

For some reason, “Maggie” got kicked off of the entire chat experience by D. She did something terrible, I’m not sure what. It must have been something having to do with one of those rules that she has with D. I don’t know what.

Like I said before, they got some kind of discipline relationship going on, and it works for them. Sucks for me, but I’m not gonna criticize it. But if a man tried to treat me that way, in a real life relationship, well. I’m Irish. It wouldn’t fly.

At least I can call her on the phone.

She

Bobbi,

I snipped most of your post to only include the relevant things which I shall attempt to address.

I don’t know how long you’ve been dealing with Maggie. I’ve known the actress who portrays her for about four years. Let me share with you this, which is the opinion of a working girl, not of a manager, and I don’t know how much weight you’ll give it:

• Maggie is a great character in a part played by the woman I know, who is the smartest, bravest, most talented woman I know, and I know plenty of them.
• She also is a woman of great integrity and personal commitment.
• Saying that, she also has a terrible temper and woe to anyone in the path of that temper. I speak from experience.
• This temper can get the better of her and I’m sure you have lost yours at some point. I read the room transcript when Lady Ann returned and announced a new beginning, and in my opinion, you showed bad form; although I understand that you were watching your work over the last year become negated and your position crumble before your very eyes. I tell you this out of respect and admiration for all you have done for us.

Re: your “Details” below – I know you believe what you wrote, but I must say this:

• I don’t believe Maggie was trying to destroy the brothel. I think she had Ann’s own interests at heart, as well as the brothel’s.
• I don’t believe she was trying to drive any wedges between Ann and her staff that didn’t already exist.
• I believe she was simply more loyal to Lady Ann that to “Lady Ann’s”.
• I believe she picked a very strange way of showing it. There is no way that I could explain her behavior; but if you want to love Maggie, you have to forgive a lot every once in a while.

I do wonder how much of what you wrote is an original thought and how much the selected opinion of like-minded individuals in managerial staff? I’m not accusing you of anything – gosh that sounds worse than I meant it… but I wonder and can’t stop wondering.

I’m not trying to be divisive, a squeaky wheel or a troublemaker. Silently would crawl across a mile of broken glass to defend T. Good for her; I admire that among friends.

Despite all of our differences, all of the fights we have had, all of the times I have wanted to crack her cast-iron skull – I hereby pledge that I shall defend Maggie with my life.

Admire that.

Sincerely,
[The Yearning Heart
My Name Withheld on this blog]
Working Girl, Lady Ann’s Brothel

Bobbi <emailaddress_m@sk.ed> wrote:

I promised earlier that I would share some details with you about all the conflicting statements and goings on of the past few days.

The final straw came when she felt betrayed by Maggie_tien_fu_yu whom she long considered a close friend. Maggie misled the brothel about hackers stealing Ann’s account, showed poor judgment in her discretion and created undue suspicion amongst her friends.

Maggie also revealed private issues regarding management decisions and meetings to outsiders, which she knew was improper. Much of Maggie’s actions served to drive a wedge through the brothel.

Most painful to Ann however, was that Maggie revealed personal real life facts about Ann to several people in the brothel that greatly embarrassed her.

I do not fully understand the reason for Maggie’s recent actions. The results of her actions were thoroughly destructive to the brothel and Ann herself. It is clear that her ability to mislead was based upon her access to sensitive information and the website itself. Therefore, Maggie will no longer be serving as a manager in the brothel and will not have access to the brothel’s website.

Speaking of which, I know that there are issues with the current website. We hope to have these issues resolved within 48 hours and to have a site up and running that will make life easier for our new patrons. Additionally, new groups for working girls patrons and managers have been established to replace the old ones. I urge you all to join these new groups as the old groups have been dismantled.

To any others who have recommendations I encourage you to drop me an e-mail at idluv2dueu@yahoo.com. I read all my e-mails, even if I may not respond immediately.

I love you all. Now quit reading and get your tushies back into the room. You’ve been missed!

Bobbi

Meanwhile, back at the whore house...

So what does Ann do? well, Ann said that she’s gotta start over, and everyone has been let go, but that they’re all welcome to apply for their jobs back.

Kinda like a re-boot. Bugs in the operating system, and so forth.

Naturally Bobbi, who was pretty much running the show while Ann had been away, gets furious and says she’s not coming back. Next thing I know Ann says she’s not coming back either. So I figured, well it’s been fun. I won’t miss Bobbi much, I can say that. I think she’s jealous or something, of me. Of Maggie, I dunno why.

I don’t know what happened.

the Other Drama Department: Lady Ann’s, that is

One of the deals, and one of the main reasons I worked there, played there, whatever, at Lady Ann’s is that you don’t have to get on the web cam or on voice chat. In fact, it’s forbidden.

Well, one of the manager’s is a homophobe. I won’t give you his name but his initial is T.

And he refuses to have cybersex with a girl unless she “proves” that she is a girl by letting him hear her voice, or by getting on a web cam with him. Why? Because he thinks any girl who hasn’t done that is a guy pretending to be a girl.

Now get this: he’s an Orthodox Jew role-playing as a black guy.

Hello? It’s role-play, for Christ’s sake. If you gotta hear the chick’s voice then you got some serious issues. (I’m half tempted to let Gay Trey apply as a working girl; he sounds more like a girl than I do when he wants to. But I’d have to tell him how I’ve been spending my evenings online, and he’d laugh at me till he died. But the look on T’s face would be classic. Trey could even wear a tube top hiding his face, and lower his panties down just a tiny bit, teasingly, and maybe caress his thighs rather haltingly or something like that; Trey can really vamp. And then put his goofy grin in the web cam and show T who he’s been messing with. Punk’d!!!)

The funny thing is, I actually thought T was attractive until I heard his voice. If he had sounded like an articulate, intelligent black man he would have been attractive. But he sounds like a smart-assed New York punk. Somewhat pushy, somewhat arrogant, and everything I don’t like about the east coast. Provincial to a fault, in that there’s nothing worth anything outside of New York City. So, he asked to hear my voice, and by the time I had heard his, which I didn’t care for, I wasn’t interested, and I thought he was sleazy. But I let it go, and said, well, very nice talking to you. I’m too nice. It’s called acting.

Well, I told Maggie about it and she was pretty steamed; apparently he’s been asking a lot of girls to hear their voices or see them on web cam. And so I had to get into a chat room with a bunch of other people, like Lady Ann, and this Bobbi woman, and T and a few others, and Maggie, and tell my side of the story which I thought was pretty tame and not a big deal. And I had to go to work, so I don’t know the final of it.

Well, this T guy is a lawyer, a trial lawyer, but he must not be much of one or maybe Maggie is even smarter than I thought she was, because she pretty much chewed T out a new colostomy.

Maggie couldn’t stay or got kicked out of the chat room, I’m not sure which, but the final shot was that T gets a reprimand, 72 hours suspension, but can go on managing at Lady Ann’s.

If only we’d caught him using steroids or something.

My Favorite Performances, My Favorite Parts

… this semester, anyway:

• Anton in Show Business: Jane Martin
Lisabette Cartwright, from LaVernia, Texas. SMU graduate and third grade teacher on the verge of her first break in Show Business. She gets the part because Holly the TV Star fires the casting director and doesn’t want anyone to upstage her in a serious production of Three Sisters, by Anton Chekhov. A great part.

Why? I don’t know. I can’t tell you why other than it’s a deceptively simple part. Everyone plays off of her but she’s the one with so much to lose. Holly will always have TV, Casey will always have the stage. This is Lisabette’s one and only shot at the theatre world.

Favorite line:

“I mean. Here I am, just out of drama school and I am completely drunk, talking with real actors in a real way, including a great actress of the stage and a great actress from TV, and it makes me just want to cry.”

• Collected Stories: Donald Margulies
Lisa, the writing professor’s student/assistant. She is such a huge fan of Ruth’s, her writing professor in a graduate program. Lisa takes a personal episode of Ruth’s life and writes a great piece of fiction out of it.

Why? She grows, from someone who “adds question marks to the ends of declarative sentences” (“God, that makes like so much sense?”) into what she wants to be, a writer who is adept at what she does. She becomes someone who can take the narrative of someone who impresses her and turn it into a real voice. Unfortunately, that someone is Ruth. Another difficult and deceptive simple part. Collected Stories starred by Debra Messing as Lisa in its New York debut. Yes, Will & Grace Debra Messing. Another difficult but deceptive part.

Favorite lines:

“I mean, I’m in treatment, okay?, and moved to Chelsea? So now what do I do? I’ve done my parents. I’ve done my family. I’m not angry with them anymore. Fuck them. I write all day, allegedly. I don’t see anybody. I don’t go anywhere because I’m allegedly writing all the time. My boyfriend’s a lawyer; need I say more? My friends are all boring because they’re all in exactly the place I am. My life? I have no life. Every little quasi-idea that pops into my brain seems so banal, so television.”

---

“If something captures your eye, you told me, grab it. Remember? Like a good photojournalist: Go in and shoot. Remember Ruth? — Don’t walk away! — That’s the way you taught me! Don’t worry about feelings, you taught me that, worrying about feelings is sentimental and God knows we mustn’t be sentimental.”

I would do what Lisa does. I would take something personal from someone close to me, and use it in my art. I would cry to myself, I would agonize over it, and I would avoid them in the end, but I would do it.

My mom.

My love life, what’s left of it.

My friend, or a mentor.

Maggie.

Memoirs

Do I ever really want to write a memoir? I’d be in the same horrible bunch as all those other awful aging actors.

When your husband is not your next of kin

Here’s to a more personal, kinder, gentler nation. The politics of compassionate conservatism.

There are two Americas. One America gets its news from the newspapers, and one gets it from cable TV. There is the America for those who read, and the America for those who don’t.

* personal note to whomever, mom, dad, next-of-kin, husband (will I ever get married?): please, please, don’t let me live like this, whatever happens. Take me out; pillow to the face like McMurphy in Cuckoo’s Nest, whatever. Just don’t let me become a drooling nothing. To me that would be worse than dying in a long agony of pain.

Remembering Archbishop Oscar Romero

Before I was born, before I was even conceived, a priest whom I admire was killed in cold blood, in a church in San Salvador.

Romero was killed because he supported the right of poor Salvadorans to equal citizenship in their own society, and he tried to end the use of repression and violence to thwart it.

If you pray, pray for peace.

If you meditate, meditate on peace.

Iraq - two years’ anniversary

“If tyranny and oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.”
–James Madison, and he was a Federalist.

Well, I for one feel a lot safer.

Amazon sells Astroglide

An on line store my mom actually shops at sells lube. And vibes. That’s so cool.

I never really had a need for this; I don’t “do anal” - ok well I don’t do it more than a finger and usually a lick is all it takes. Like Gay Trey sez, “If it isn’t spit, it isn’t love.” But isn’t it great that Amazon - Amazon - sells “personal care” items that are illegal to own in Bible Belt states?

It is illegal to buy a vibrator (unless it’s for medical purposes) in Georgia, Texas, Alabama, Mississippi, Indiana, Virginia, Louisiana and Massachusetts….

Massachusetts? For real?

Then again, the various governments are always getting in your pants, any way they can. I thought Republicans were all about personal responsibility, and against big government.

St Paddy’s Day comes soon

The patron saint of chicken wings, green beer, showing your breasts and binge drinking. A gold mine to bars everywhere, including the one where I’m employed. Drink up, rednecks and frat boys. See you on the front page.

Stacey-Jesus

I moved out of Mademoiselle D’s and have moved in with Stacy-Jesus. I call her that because she says, “thank you Jesus” for practically everything. “Can’t find my keys – oh there they are! Thank you, Jesus!”

She makes Frito Pie and Tuna Casserole. She’s not so bad, really. She’s very sweet for taking me in but she leaves church programs on my bed every Sunday while I’m at work.

Ex foolishness

Talked to my ex – ok well he called me, to say he’s sorry, “I can’t believe I did that, baby,” “What was I thinking?” “You can’t mean it’s totally over because of this.”

I’ll fill him in:

1. I can, and I do.
2. You were thinking you’ll get free strange pussy
3. See #1.

Fecking douche. I can’t believe I was considering going back to him. Just for the convenience, the familiarity, and the sex.

"Are you a real actor?"

I’m not a real actor; by that I mean I have had exactly three paying gigs. By that standard my mom is more of an actor than I am, since she has been a presenter at a car show twice and has worked in little shows at the county fairs in Butler and Sedgwick Counties back in the late 70s.

My three paying gigs were, as follows:

• a spot for Dick Clark’s Rock ‘n Roll Diner (don’t blink or you’ll miss me)
• an ad for used cars (I walked around the lot looking at used cars I could never afford)
• a Target ad

Perhaps I can get a gig doing moan tones:

“For $2.50 mobile phone users can choose from a variety of moans, and sexual noises all recorded by the blond bombshell. If that’s not enough, [porn star Jenna] Jameson will talk dirty to you when your phones rings, in English or Spanish.”

I can do that. I bet I’m better than Jenna Jameson; she’s so fake.

SH had a couple of her movies. Eh.

Try as I might, I just don’t think porn is exploitative of women so much as it’s exploitative of people who buy it. The shit’s $60.00 a pop for a one-hour DVD.

Wasting the Evening

Hung out listening to Maggie at the Piano in an online brothel. (Please see my previous posts here , here, and here, regarding Lady Ann’s.) There’s a couple of nice guys there and a pretty hot girl, who I’m still not convinced isn’t really “Maggie” in a different screen name.

• Hot Guy #1 I’ll call E. Single, nerdy, likes soccer, totally Blue as in Blue State. Lives in Oregon. Affects English sensibilities and syntax. My type all right. Well, the English thing should go. Other than that, he’s a bit of all right.
• Hot Guy #2 I’ll call DB. DB is married, really hysterically funny, totally in love with Maggie. Never has even seen her. He’s in denial about how much he’s crazy about Maggie but a girl can tell. He’s a bit of all right, too. Won’t mess around with me. Why is that so attractive?
• Hot Girl is a hottie. Let’s call her CM. She’s funny and cool. Total horn dog, kinda like me. Comes in to “hook up”; she’s pretty open and totally frank about what she likes and getting it. I really, no really, thought she was Maggie in another screen name, and the reasons why are kind of embarrassing:
  • she’s Asian
  • she’s got that open, healthy, relaxed sort of sexuality about her
  • “Maggie” was really pushing her as one of the sexier people, and lots of fun to hook up with: “You’d love her, she’s smart and funny.”
  • She’s smart
  • She’s funny
  • I think I have a crush on her
  OK, not that much compelling evidence (like they say on Crossing Jordan), but I really thought she was “Maggie” until they were both online at the same time. I’m sure she’s someone else now, but I’ve already totally thrown myself at her already.

I’m not ignoring her, she’s shut up in the Tower

OK M got someone to PM me and to beg for me to call her.

So I did. Apparently she’s being blocked from chat and can only e-mail. What. The. Fuck.

Apparently she got on voice and chatted with some chick, and now she’s in trouble because she’s not allowed to do that, by D. It’s part of some agreement they have about the whole online chat thing.

Still, I do not get it, how two married people who are otherwise mature and grown-up can have this thing where if she does something wrong, he punishes her. Well, if it works for them, then I wish them all the happiness.

That Bastard, Act I, scene I

That bastard. That shitty fecking bastard; I let him get away with anything everything and all.

He was boinking his ex. His best friend’s girl. I found the evidence that he didn’t even make an attempt to hide. He lied and he lied. I know he did. All those times he was late from work, all those times he was playing ball….

It’s over, I moved out. I would have kicked him out but he’s the one who wanted to live there, not me so much.

If only it were anyone but Rebecca. Why did it have to be Rebecca? The skank, whore sleazey slut queen of them all. His ex. Bigger chested, naughtier. Legs like a stripper’s, not my chicken legs. I know why he likes her. Men are all alike.

I’m moved out, I’m living on the street. I refuse to be a victim I’m gonna live in my car and the last thing I need is to come crawling begging to some one like Mademoiselle D who will only cluck and say “told ya so” (in French) and … and … I couldn’t bear it.

Those lurkers* who remember from my UMKC blog, Mademoiselle D was my room mate, who is perfect, beautiful, brilliant and successful. A law degree. Working on a medical degree. D’s sister, “Maggie’s” sister-in-law. Legs up to there. Well, to hell with her. I will not ask; I will not give her the satisfaction. I am glad that I got all of my CDs and my clothes. And the Glenlivet. (It’s mine. What’s left of it.)

Here I am at Muddy’s and I’m on the Wi-Fi. Sigh. Fucking fucking FUCKED over again.

*what lurkers? who am I kidding? no one reads this but me.

Trouble, right here in River City

M did something wrong and I dunno what. All I know is she’s in trouble with D. I hope it’s not about me, and I hope she gets back on soon.

Memo from the Tramp/Jezebel/Hussy

Don’t know what I did. Called to “Maggie” again and got D, chit chatted with him, kinda flirted and he was cool. “Maggie” called me and told me in no uncertain terms to ‘please just stop calling him, ok?’ I mean what. The. Fuck. She’s on a chat room all night doing god knows how many people - men AND women and she has the freaking B-A-L-L-Z to tell me that. Well lemme clue you in, dear: he’s an adult and he would tell me if I crossed a line. Anyway she said goodBYE in a way that makes me think I’m not gonna hear from her again. Fine. Blocked her #, ignored her PMs.