Saturday, February 04, 2006
In the Garden
Belle-Mère and Mademoiselle left this morning. It was a very good visit. Monsieur and I even got a free date, when “the ladies” watched the boys and we went out to dinner. More on that later – I have a lot of catching up to do in this blog; I doubt I’ll ever be really caught up.
Last Sunday was Maggie’s birthday. She would have been thirty years old. We celebrated by pulling up the dead plants in her garden, and remembering her in our quiet ways. I wrote Maggie a letter, which I have in my nightstand.
While the boys played I sat with Mademoiselle and Belle-Mère. Monsieur sat off by himself, watching the boys from under some juniper trees.
“He’s doing very well,” Belle-Mère said to me.
“”Ya, he’s sad a lot, though,” I replied.
“It’s to be expected,” said. Mademoiselle “We were more worried about him, going deep into a depression and he would not be able to get out of it.”
“We have you and his children to thank for that,” Belle-Mère smiled at me.
“You know,” Mademoiselle added, “when [his brother M] got divorced, and went into a deep well of sadness, well, it never really went away. He hasn’t been the same for years.”
I blinked. “I didn’t know.”
Belle-Mère got up to help one of the boys.
“It’s true,” Mademoiselle went on. “[M] has never quite been the same, and we were somewhat worried that, well, when you moved in it only propped [Monsieur] up, and when you moved on, it would destroy him.”
“Do you really think I’m going to move on so soon?” I asked.
“I did,” she admitted. “All right, I don’t think that now. I really don’t know what your plans are.”
“I’m staying,” I said, “as long as he lets me.”
“I just remember you in college, you know, and how driven you were to act, and to be a performer.”
“I know; and how I dated a dozen guys,” I smiled.
“Well, that worried me a little too,” she replied. “But mostly I didn’t want you to miss out on anything you wanted, and I didn’t want you to realize, suddenly, that you have a life, too.”
“I know – but that’s why I’m staying. I feel like this idea I had to pursue acting was a mirage, and this is real. I feel like I have a purpose now.”
“I’m glad,” she said, and she smiled, too.