Rum and the Lash

Prince Charles and Lady Di are apparently a bit confused by the whole marriage thing. It seems that on their wedding night, as Diane was making last-minute preparations to walk down the aisle, she found that her shoes were missing. She was forced to borrow her sister’s, which were a bit on the small side.

When the wedding and reception were finally over, Charles and Diane retired to their room, right next door to the Queen’s and Prince Phillip’s. Because of the renovations done to Windsor Castle recently, the adjoining walls were made of thin drywall over a frame.

As soon as Charles and Diane were inside their room, Diane flopped on the bed and said, “Darling, please get these shoes off. My feet are killing me.”

The ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked the right shoe with vigour, but it was stuck fast.

“Harder!” Diane yelled. “Harder!”

“I’m trying, darling!” the prince yelled back. “It’s just so bloody tight!”

“Come on! Give it all you’ve got!” There was a big groan from the Prince, and then Diane exclaimed, “There! That’s it! Oh that feels good! Oh that feels SO good!”

In the bedroom next door, the Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said, “See? I told you that she was still a virgin.”

Back in the bridal suite, Charles was trying to pry off the left shoe.

“Oh, my God, darling! This one’s even tighter!” exclaimed the heir to the throne.

At which Prince Phillip turned to the Queen and said, “That’s my boy. Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!”