"Are you a real actor?"

I’m not a real actor; by that I mean I have had exactly three paying gigs. By that standard my mom is more of an actor than I am, since she has been a presenter at a car show twice and has worked in little shows at the county fairs in Butler and Sedgwick Counties back in the late 70s.

My three paying gigs were, as follows:

• a spot for Dick Clark’s Rock ‘n Roll Diner (don’t blink or you’ll miss me)
• an ad for used cars (I walked around the lot looking at used cars I could never afford)
• a Target ad

Perhaps I can get a gig doing moan tones:

“For $2.50 mobile phone users can choose from a variety of moans, and sexual noises all recorded by the blond bombshell. If that’s not enough, [porn star Jenna] Jameson will talk dirty to you when your phones rings, in English or Spanish.”

I can do that. I bet I’m better than Jenna Jameson; she’s so fake.

SH had a couple of her movies. Eh.

Try as I might, I just don’t think porn is exploitative of women so much as it’s exploitative of people who buy it. The shit’s $60.00 a pop for a one-hour DVD.