Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Pushy

I pushed.
I didn’t really want to, but I guess I had to know. And it wasn’t easy to ask, so for courage, I opened a bottle of wine and poured a glass. Then another. Then I offered one to Monsieur, and then I poured myself another.
I was nervous. Of course, he knew it.
“Is something wrong?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Just – there’s been something on my mind,” I said.
“Tell me,” he said gently.
“Well, I don’t know if you remember, but, well, I wasn’t supposed to bring up us getting married until after the first of December. Of last year,” I added.
He nodded.
“Well.” I took a deep breath, and just said it like I practiced it in the mirror. “I want to be married to you. I’m not going to ask you; I want you to ask me, when you’re ready. Don’t decide right now. Think about it carefully, but I really do want to spend the rest of my life as your wife, looking after you, raising your boys, and being a family.”
He toyed with the stem of his wine glass. “The reason I haven’t brought it up,” he said, slowly, “has most to do with the debt.”
“The bills?” I asked. “You’re worried about bills?”
“Not just that,” he said. “I don’t think we’d have the ability to do a ring and a wedding, and I know you deserve both.”
“How much debt is there?” I asked.
He told me.
“Well, okay so there’s a lot. But we’re handling it now, right?” I asked.
“Yes, we’re doing well, making payments and handling it. But to add to that a wedding, a ring, a honeymoon...”
“Which I never said I wanted,” I replied.
“You don’t want a ring?” he asked.
“Not a big one. Not even a diamond. I’d be perfectly happy with two gold bands. One for me, and one for you. I don’t need a big wedding, and I don’t need a diamond. Maybe a nice dress, one that I could wear out anywhere. Not a bridal dress. Just something nice. That’s all. I’d feel ridiculous if you spent $5000 on it. Do I look like I need a big chunk of Africa on my finger?”
“It always seemed to me that you would want more than that,” he said.
“Of course not. Am I really that high maintenance?” I asked.
He looked at me.
“Okay, I am,” I admitted. “But not in that way.
He was quiet, in an uncomfortable sort of way, and said, “Let me figure out a way. There are more things that we have to agree on, as well.”
“What? It’s because I snore, isn’t it??” I asked.
“Don’t be absurd,” he said, smiling. “Let me figure out a way, and I will let you know.”
“I will need sex tonight, Monsieur,” I added.
“I understand,” he said.

14 comments:

Clean said...

WOOOOOOOOO!!!! Go, go, go!!!

super des said...

I've had a very similar conversation with my own Monsieur. Nothing has come of mine. But I know something will come of yours.

Good luck!

Ry said...

As a guy, I think that it's difficult for us to come to the realization that not every woman has to have the million dollar wedding and all this fixings'... However, it's tough for us to give up a little pride and self-worth, and actually settle for anything less than the wedding of your dreams. It's clear the M is truly in love with you. I think he's just to learn to be brave enough to give up enough of himself and accept that a wedding doesn't have to be, in his eyes, perfect.

tintinsnowy said...

Ms. YH,

I hope you appreciate the quasi-surrealistic nature of that conversation. The matter of fact tone carrying content that is potentially life-changing. Monsieur’s continental reticence with his old fashioned romanticism and old world values, your American Kansas girl up-front, straight-forward romanticism. I can see why he’s attracted to you, and why you’re attracted to him. You each feed things to each other that the other needs or wants or desires or craves (or yearns for). I’ll bet the two of you create a fascinating symbiotic energy when you’re together. Your gentle saga continues.

Tintinsnowy

the desertwind said...

i have talked with you several times--and have come to the conclusion that you are one hell of a woman for stepping in the way you have--"M" could find no better and is a very lucky man to have you.
you should have all that can be afforded to you--all of it!!
have a great day and i hope you are sicerely appreciated for your efforts...
david

The Butterfly Temptress said...

I never thought The Knight would ask me. When he told me he would never marry me, I believed him. I cried and I hated it, because it's what I wanted so desperately, but I would have lived with him forever rather than walk away because he wouldn't marry me.

No need to worry about it now. He bought my dream ring and proposed on Christmas Eve. Lucky me. With my illness and five children we'll be skipping the big wedding, but I don't care. All I want is him, to share his name and his life.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
The Butterfly Temptress

laurenblogs said...

Well it sounds like you are getting closer and closer!!!!!

Good Luck! It will come soon enough!

SeaRabbit said...

I received the proposal last May... and he isnisted to get married next may... but as we both have to divorce and the procedures on his sides could take a little time... and as nothing is happening yet, I'm thinking that all of this would be postponed for the May of another year... ;-)
I didn't know men thought of big rings and fluffly dresses... as I don't think many today's women are into that either... I can be wrong both ways... ;-)

Faerie said...

Its like you say ... we dont care as much about the "ta-da" stuff as we do the commitment... well some of us anyway.

When are you coming back?? Its been a month and the rains havent helped!! (aka sugarpunk)

Diva said...

You know, I didn't post when it happened, but I was there with you in spirit (*wink*) and I've missed you lately. Hope you'll be back around one of these days. :)

Ry said...

Hope you'll be back soon! At least before I return from South Dakota...

Balancing Act; Jenn said...

You've been gone for a while. Hope all is well. Really do.

Jenn

M. Unterbrink said...

Damn. It's a sad day when I discover an amazing blog, only to read it from the beginning to the end and discover that it is discontinued.

In any case, great posts.

Anonymous said...

nice post. thanks.