In Which the Yearning Heart Discovers What a Cross Pipe Is

Give it up for the girl who knows her way around the pipes! Ya hey! I fixed a clog in the kitchen sink drain. OK, so I was making an apple pie*. And so, dumb me, I clogged the sink up with the peels. So I did what any red-blooded American girl with stick-to-it-iveness and gumption would do. I rolled up my sleeves, spit on my hands, and called Monsieur. And it went a little something like this:

YH: Hi. I messed something up.

M: What happened?

YH: The sink won’t drain, and when I run the garbage disposal it just spits water out of it. [Wailing] What did I do?

M: Hmm… what did you put into the garbage disposal right before that?

YH: Apple peels.

M: Apple peels? How many?

YH: Well, ok I peeled two pounds of apples to make an apple pie. And I put the peels in the garbage disposal.

M: All at once?

YH: [Pause.] Yeah.

M: [Sigh] I see. Well, the cross-pipe is probably clogged. I’ll fix it when I get home if you can wait.

YH: Is it something I can do?

M: To be sure, you could. You will need the plumbing wrench, the one I use to fix the deer fence, and a Philips head screwdriver. First, disable the garbage disposal with the switch in the cabinet. Put a bucket under the drain to catch the dirty water when you take the drain apart. The clog is probably in the cross pipe – that is the pipe that comes from the garbage disposal on the left and goes to the sink drain on the right. Remove the screws to the cross pipe flange with the Philips head screwdriver, then carefully pull out the cross pipe from the drain.

YH: [Writing it all down] OK, then what?

M: Then, you find something to poke the peels out of the cross pipe into the rubbish can. Then, you put it all back together in the reverse order; replace cross pipe on right, then on left, then re-attach the flange. If you find something does not fit, please don’t force it; I will fix it when I get home tonight.

YH: But I wanted to make dinner by myself tonight!! The sink is full and I wanted the kitchen to be clean when you got home!

M: Well, I think you will have to have the patience to allow for what happens, darling. If you do not unclog the sink, it is not the end of the world.

YH: [Sigh] All right. But I’m gonna try it.

M: Very well. Call me if you have any questions. Goodbye, chère.

[20 minutes of fiddling under the sink pass. Then, a triumphant squeal is heard. I call Monsieur back.]

20 minutes of fiddling under the sink…

YH: I did it!

M: But, of course you did! Well done!

YH: [proudly] I’ll see you when you get home.

M: Did I understand you to say that you made an apple pie?

YH: Yes! [proudly] And my first one!

M: Delightful! I shall see you tonight.

* ya, that is NOT a misprint, I made an apple pie. I asked my mom for the recipe. (Ask me nicely and I’ll post the recipe, too.) Someone nearby has an apple orchard and dropped off a half bushel of apples, thinking we had pigs to feed or something. Well, we’ve got hungry boys. Close enough.