Monday, September 26, 2005
Then, the insecurity comes crashing in...
My friend K from work said today on the phone, something like, “Oh, but [YH], you’ve got a man now, right?
It made me sit down and think. “You’ve got a man now,” – but do I have him? the only thing I’m really sure of is that I’m the nanny to his kids who holds off for two weeks (or more) before he finally asks me, very sweetly, for sex.
I know I willingly am here for the kids, and for him. I put myself in this situation willingly, almost blindly, knowing I would end up in love with Monsieur like I was crazy for “Maggie” – and now my heart is hanging on his every glance.
But. It. Drives. Me. Mad.
I am wondering if that’s not the point, right? for Monsieur – maybe he is trying to keep me on the very edge, all the time, so when he finally does give it to me, like he did the other day, it’s as though he is plucking me like I’m a ripe fruit. I burst in his mouth.
And, like the other day, I yield, like an eager bride.