Tuesday, April 25, 2006

News from the Front: Love Under the Insects, Science

Dreamy, satisfied sigh with a smile on my lips.
Yes, Ms. Y. Heart got herself some. OK, a lot. I think I need to whine to his mom more often, though I would really like to see how it got back to Monsieur:

Belle-Mère: Now, come on, you’re embarrassing me. I didn’t raise you this way.

Monsieur: Mother, please!

Belle-Mère: Do you think your father would have let me or any other needing woman un-serviced? Unthinkable! You need to go console her.

Monsieur: [makes uncomfortable noises]

Belle-Mère: Right now! And call me back when you’re done.

No, she probably didn’t actually tell him to lay me. But he sure got to it, right after the kids were put to bed last night.
“Do you have any work to do tonight?” he said, almost nonchalantly while we were putting the laundry away.
“No, monsieur, I haven’t got my packet from work yet,” I replied. I figured he would then tell me he was going to get on the computer all night.
“Well, if you’ve nothing better to do, why don’t you join me out on the west yard and we can open a bottle of burgundy?
After a half of a glass for me (and two for him) and twenty minutes, we were necking like teenagers, our kisses occurring between mosquito attacks. It was nice, but we eventually moved inside and continued our play sans parasites.

In my inbox, my dear friend KK, who worries about me a lot in this regard, sends me this item: Professor Stuart Brody of the University of Paisley published a study showing sex can lower blood pressure.

Money Quote: “Penile-vaginal intercourse is the only sexual behaviour consistently associated with better psychological and physiological health.”

Penile. I love that word. I want to be sentenced to a penile colony.
“One study even found that semen is a mood-enhancing ingredient,” says a senior fellow from the Obvious Research Center. Friends, I am here to testify, semen has the most amazing properties. It enhances my mood like nothing else. I am now in a much enhanced mood.
Why didn’t I get the call to be a subject in these studies? Oh, I guess it might have been conducted in Australia. Why is American science so much further behind its friends in The Land Down There?

“Recent studies suggest that men who have orgasms twice a week are half as likely to die early as men who orgasm less than once a month.”

Gosh, that sounds so serious. Well, you heard it: get busy, boys and girls: that’s doctor’s orders.


Passionate Man said...

Woohoo! What a great pickup line: "I think I'm having a heart attack...please call a doctor and have penile-vaginal intercourse with me immediately!"

Neil said...

Dos that mean if you orgasm three times a week, you can live forever?

the Yearning Heart said...

I don't know, neil, but I'm willing to volunteer in the name of medical science.