Tuesday, August 08, 2006

the Last 4 Impertinent Questions

This is a continuation of this post, in which I answer some impertinent but important questions. I answered #1 here. I am actually just getting to this. Such is my life.

  1. What’s your number one sexual turn off?
  2. There are so many – but most are simply personal turn-offs. I really believe that the way someone treats peripheral people can be a turn-off or a turn-on. For example, the way a guy treats a wait person or some other sort of servant is a big window into his personality. If he’s rude, peremptory, or condescending to the waitress, he’s not going to get anywhere with me.
    Another of my turnoffs is bad hygiene. I can’t stand the smell of old body odor. Fresh body odor isn’t so bad, but that old-dog smell is awful – the smell of someone who hasn’t bathed in days.
    Smoking is another. I can’t tell you how many times I would see a really cute, sexy -looking guy (or girl) hanging out somewhere and think, what a cutie! only to have the cutie light up and start smoking. It totally ruins it for me, and I just keep going. The smell of tobacco makes me want to throw up. I worked in cocktail bars where it was permitted, and I would go home and wash my hair in shampoo, lemon juice, and then conditioner just to get the smell out. For some reason, the smell of pot doesn’t make me so nauseated.
    Another turn-off in the past was someone who would rush things. I was with a guy once, on a blind date. It was my first semester away from home, and I was trying to be sophisticated and cool. I was with this guy at a pretty nice place, and it was all going well, and then he mentioned his parents’ lake house on the Lake of the Ozarks. “It’s quiet in the winter there,” he said. “A great place to be alone, and an even better place for a naughty weekend.” Well, that shut it down for me. I didn’t need to hear that from him at that moment. It made me wonder how many other freshman girls he lured to his parents’ lake house.
  3. Number one arousal trigger?
  4. Gosh, it’s not so much a trigger as it is a fuse that will eventually burn down and explode. If I’m in a relationship and if it’s going well, then I will want it within 3 days.
    I used to think just paying attention to me, being funny, and having a nice smile was all I needed. Then I met Monsieur, and then I realized that I really like grown-up men. When Maggie and Monsieur and her whole brood visited me, the contrast between Monsieur and my then-boyfriend SH was really remarkable. Monsieur was a grown-up, and he didn’t really look that much older that SH – in fact he was 8 years older. But such a contrast!
    SH is a guy who never wants more than to work in a bar, have season KU basketball tickets, have a hot girlfriend, and chase women on the side.
    Everything Monsieur wants is tied up in his children. He has turned down work in Europe and elsewhere in the United States because Texas is one of the few places that he can run his children’s school. He doesn’t have to send his kids to the mediocre school systems and their filthy, dangerous campuses, and he doesn’t have to pay some church or private school a ridiculous amount of money to offer his children something better. He and Maggie decided to do it themselves, and to do it better. Every decision he has made from where we live to where he works, all the way down to what kind of lawn mower to buy is hinged on how it will affect his family. But when he turns his attention towards me, I get every fiber of his being focused on me. That turns me on.
  5. Define sexy?
  6. It’s easier to say what it isn’t than what it is – at least when I talk about men. I used to think it was all body and pretty eyes, but it isn’t. Monsieur has gorgeous eyes, and a very nice body, but that’s not what attracted me to him. I think at first it was his voice, and then it was his love for Maggie that I liked. I think I fell for them first when they were playing music in Mademoiselle’s living room. Maggie was on the piano and Monsieur was on guitar, and he sang some song, I don’t know what, but it sounded so smooth, so confident, and so polished that I was hooked immediately. Monsieur would play off of Maggie, with only a nod or a gesture to point the music in the direction it needed to go. It melded so perfectly, so smoothly, that I wondered why they weren’t doing this act on Jay Leno or something. Monsieur had finished his guitar part, and nodded to Maggie, who was looking over her shoulder. He must have made some musical joke or something, because she smiled and bit her lip, and then he winked at her, and she winked back at him, tossed her hair over her shoulder, and went into her solo part. I blushed. I sneezed. I was hooked. It was sexy.
  7. Celebrity you would love to shag right now?
  8. With no strings, no recriminations and no lingering side effects? H’m.
    Can I bring a celebrity back from the grave? If so:
    I can’t think of any more right now.


deacon_bluez said...

hey, i'm a celebrity.

the Yearning Heart said...

I know but I was trying to keep your persona incognito, because of all the paparazzi and the glissando you guys are always dealing with. You can bring your sfuzzi over, and I promise I'll shag you later, when we get together to play Kick the Cannes.