What's a Nice Girl Like You Doing in a Blog Like This?

On 8/17/06, a Dear Reader <emailma@sk.ed> wrote:

I have been enjoying your writing lately, you really have been writing some hot stuff. It seems to me that you really know what a guy likes sexually. The shower stuff in particular really turned me on. I have to admit that I was thinking about it the other night during a “solo session.” So tell me, how did such a nice young girl like you figure out what turns us on? My guess is that you must have really good insight to the depraved male mind.

That’s a great question. I have no idea what the answer is. I think it comes from not ever being really, truly hurt by a guy, like some people I know. I like men. As a group, I don’t think they’re really any more “depraved” than I am. (Individually, I have met some sickos.) Most of them are very sweet. I have met some real jerks, but I know that it’s because of them that the rest of you guys get a bad rep. Women meet so many jerks because the jerks are out there trying to meet us. Many of the nice guys are guys we’d never meet, partly because they’re so nice that they never would dream of imposing themselves on us, and partly because there are some females out there who are real jerks, too, and these women have made nice guys especially shy.

Oh right, the original question: How do I know what turns you men on?

The answer is: I don’t! I do what turns me on. For example: I know guys like getting enthusiastic head – but that’s not what makes me enthusiastic about giving it. I’m enthusiastic about it because I like it, and I like the feeling of power over a man. Also, I try to have an open mind. There’s some things I won’t do – but usually because I’ve tried it before and I didn’t like it. I don’t think to myself “gross!” when a guy who likes me wants me to do something I would normally find a little weird. I think to myself, “Well, how much grosser is that than cunnilingus, when you get right down to it?”

I’ve had a few guys who were total zeros in bed, and they were usually selfish and in a hurry to get me there. It’s funny, because they would have this desperate sort of “forced tranquility” about them. The MBA candidate, the Finance/Accounting grad school guy, and the military guy who was rebounding from a bad breakup were the worst. It was so disappointing to find out that, contrary to what I’d read, all the Republicans I’d been with were so lame. No conscience, no give and take, and clumsy wooing. Of course, being a theatre student, it’s hard to attract a representative sample. Hell, it was hard enough to meet a straight guy who wasn’t already hooked up.