Wednesday, June 14, 2006

badmoonrising

Enough?

No, you silly man. “Enough?” he asked me.
I could’t catch my breath. We were in our favorite cheap motel. It was two AM, a few days after my birthday. I nodded my head, yes, enough, and he tried to withdraw from me. I shook my head vigorously and pulled him closer to me. I held him there, keeping him inside me.
“Why can’t we do that more?” I pouted, weeks later (this morning) the morning right after he used his tongue in delightful ways until I had to bite the pillow. “Can’t I have you inside me?”
He didn’t say anything.
“You are stingy and mean!”I pouted.
He didn’t say anything.
“Why can’t I have your cock?!”
“So that you’ll enjoy it, when I do give it to you,” he replied.
“But if I get more I’ll enjoy more!” I whined.
“It’s quite simple,” he explained. “By conserving this energy, by re-channeling it, we can use this energy in our own way. It preserves you, if you will exercise the discipline. You are getting as much as you really need. Once a month, or so.”
So, the reason I’m not getting enough is that I’m getting the exact amount I need but not as much as I want? “I don’t fucking WANT to exercise any discipline! Will you at least do me? When I need it? Like tonight? I know you didn’t come last night.” I looked at him.
He looked away, tried to change the subject smoothly, but I just had to keep asking.
“I know I’ve asked you this, but is there something about me?”
No, he says, he’s just like this, he thinks I’m beautiful and very sexy, which is what he always says, and that should have been fine.
“Do you think you’re getting away with something?” I asked him. “When you’re with me? Like, you’re doing something bad?”
“Something bad?” He looked uncomfortable. “Like what”
“Like you’re doing it,” I said, grinning with emphasis, “with your baby sitter, who is like, nineteen,” I ran my hands over his chest. “And oo! your wife is so jealous but she’s kinda hot for her, too? It’s OK, you can have fantasies.”
“Don’t be … don’t be crude,” he said, hoarsely, almost like a whisper. He got out of the bed, and looked out the window.
“I’m … really sorry,” I said. “But that’s it, isn’t it? You were attracted to me when you first saw me just like I was?”
He nodded.
I continued. Why did I have to keep going? “And I was like, twenty, and I had just moved in with [your sister]? I was only twenty, and you felt that, like I did….”
“No,” he said. “That’s not quite right. You were only nineteen.” He turned around. “You were nineteen, beautiful.”
“Maggie hated me when she met me.”
“Maggie did not, but she thought you were immature. She was very demanding of young people. She liked you, instantly. She just didn’t like your effect on me. She enjoyed my effect on you, though.”
“I loved her, Monsieur. I always felt like she was this ideal of excellence, a role model. But we had our fights. Over meaningless stuff, but also over you. She didn’t like me to talk to you.”
“Maggie didn’t mind unless you and I were to speak to each other alone, or on the phone, If she were to be present for the conversation, she didn’t mind at all.”
“Do you feel like you’re cheating on her still, being here with me?”
“That’s ridiculous,“ he said, and turned away again.
That’s as close as I got. I finally got him to come back to bed, regretting opening up that whole door.

5 comments:

whoami929 said...

I've learned to not ask the questions I don't really want the answers to. Of course, it doesn't always work but I'm trying.

Romancing Simplicity said...

Sometimes, knowing the answer is worse than wondering the question. I'm really sorry for all the frustrations you have to endure with Monsieur. It sounds like the relationship you two have together is complex and delicate while beautiful and sturdy. Don't let it take your toll on you; it sounds like he's a good man and he's trying very hard to make things work well and run smoothly for and with you.

Romancing Simplicity said...

Also, thank you for the vote of confidence on my blog. Boyfriend and I have since continued the discussion about kids, so I'll write the sequel to my last entry sometime soon! Lol.

In answer to your question, yes, I make lingerie. What happened was that I fell in love with lingerie and so did Boyfriend, but when we first met we were on a really tight budget, so I started learning how to make it. I'm a pretty good seamstress, but it took a LONG time to learn how to make lingerie. Designing was difficult, then stitching, finding materials, finishing a project, altering the fit, etc. But now, I'm much better at it. We can afford more lingerie now and we do, but I still make alot of my own. Some people have a lingerie drawer or two and we have a lingerie hope chest at the end of our bed. I've made everything from sexy corsets and hot nighties to comfortable granny panties and cozy everyday matches. It's alot of fun anymore and the fit is much better than the store fit ordinarily is for me.

Cardman said...

A tough door to open yes, necessary yes. Talking is still the best thing, and you two are civil about it.

introspectre said...

oh my...e-mail coming....