Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Have a guess
I refuse to be one of those women who say, “Guess what I’m thinking. Guess what I want. Go on, guess. If you guess wrong, you lose power in this relationship and I will hold it against you for the rest of your life.”
What do I want for my birthday? Check my wish list. (The one I sent you. Wasn’t that easy? It sure was!)
Is there something bothering me? If so, I promise to at least say, “Yes. I’m gathering my thoughts.” I will try to never say, “Nothing,” if it’s really something.
When I’m in the middle of an argument, and I’m cornered, I promise not to be threatened by that. I won’t say, “Fine!” when I know I lost. I will say, “I didn’t realize…” or “I’m not being clear, am I?” or “Does this not make any sense?” or even, “I’m sorry.” I WILL say I’m sorry.
There’s this woman named Kim who was … very concerned about Monsieur when Maggie passed away. I didn’t write about her but several of you know about her. She’s cute. No, she’s not; I’m cute. She’s beautiful. Very. Really his type in a way that I’m not; she speaks three languages and is very successful and obviously loves him. She called him three times a week when I first got here; she was one of those people who were just, well, very concerned. She saw me once in church, came up to me and said, “I’m really glad you’re there with the boys. He really needs that right now.” Later she said to me, “Well! You two are really getting close,” making it sound like a question she might have business asking. Yes, she wanted him and don’t tell me I’m making it up; I could tell. I will not ask him if he found her attractive. I’m not going to force him to lie to me like that. I want to know, but I don’t want him to tell me what I know is true, so I don’t ask; I don’t want to know that bad. I can guess.
I don’t want to ask painful questions of him right now. I have listened to so many guys bitch about their girlfriends, and I would die if I knew I have become one of those women to him. I just don’t want to burden him right now. I’m not going to make him guess what I need and I’m not going to let things I don’t know bother me. When I feel like I have a right to, I’ll ask. If something is up, I promise to say so.
So mote it be.